“I’m too old for this shit”
This decade seems to have gone by in a flash! I don’t want to fall on a cliché and say ‘where did the time go’ but seriously, where did it go?
As time passes, I realise that even though I don’t allow certain things to bug me, I also don’t want to see them ever again! As such, I have compiled a comprehensive list. Like to hear about it, here it go!
1. People coming for Nicki Minaj. It seems like the rapper has been at war with everyone because she’s one of the original clap-back queens. She’s not one to suffer fools but it seems like the energy she expends on trolls, who deliberately try to rile her, could be directed into other more productive areas.
2. The use of ‘gym’ as a verb. The word gym is a noun. The first time I heard someone use it as a verb – “I like to gym four times a week” – I raised an eyebrow and shot them a look that said do better. Since then I’ve heard it more times than I can count (“I gym when I have the time”; “my wife and I gym in the morning before work”). It’s got to stop.
3. British people saying ‘cheater’ instead on cheat. Yes, when America sneezes, Britain gets a cold but we don’t have to copy everything USA related! Americans call people who cheat – cheaters, we call them cheats. And that’s fine; we don’t have to completely change our vocabulary to fit theirs.
4. . Cold Shoulder tops. I don’t even want to talk about how played-out they are, I just need them to disappear.
5. Fake relationships for album sales. It’s an old industry hack to get us to buy more music because love… But these packaged relationships are not only jarring, they are insulting to the public’s intelligence; especially this one with Sean Mendes and celebrated racist Cabello.
6. People eating raw chillies to prove a point. You seared your innards and your taste-buds. And? Enough already.
7. No. You may not touch my hair. End of.
8. Fluffy sliders. I have to admit, I had a pair that I wore to within an inch of it’s life in 2018 but now I look at them and think, ‘really?’. No. Just, no.
9. Lil’ Kim still blathering on about the lovely Naturi Naughton not being the right person to play her in the movie Notorious.
Lil’ Kim’s issue is that not only does Naturi look nothing like her but she that she did not approach Kim for her ‘blessing’.
She would’ve like Christina Milian (a Latina actor) to play her. There’s a lot to unpack here and I won’t go into all the layers of Lil’ Kim’s narcissism, self-hatred and colourism. Ironically, even Lil’ Kim doesn’t look like Lil’ Kim anymore! Her altered states from a pretty Black woman to a … well, a Korean lady is not lost on us. Her skin is now bleached to oblivion, which begs the question does she hate the fact that Naturi looks like she used to look; like the woman she has tried to obliterate with several plastic surgeries. This movie was made 10 years ago, it was not about her life, she was a minor character and she’s still whining about it. Her blessing was not required then, nor is it now. We see your original face and colour in the hiphop archives. Get over it. Move on.
Lil’ Kim as she was 
Naturi Naughton
10. Asking what Rita Ora does. The answer will always be – not much but she is everywhere, will sell anything – including her dignity – and will attend the opening of an envelope looking fabulously like Rihanna as she does it.
Heh-heh… The shade!
